There are many episodes of the Today Show, mid afternoon talk shows and self help gurus that will tell you that you need to be more “Balanced”. It is a concept that Americans are determined to figure out and get right. The reason that we are so dedicated to the idea of being balanced is because we are told that when we find that perfect level of balance then we can have,
Promises of a Balanced Life:
- more peace
- more happiness
- better relationships
- better time management
- higher productivity
- more success
- more money
- etc.
Essentially, we are being sold on the idea that we can be successful in many different areas of life: family, professional, career, athletically, socially, relationships and spiritually. What we want to believe is that we can have the American Dream without having to sacrifice to obtain it.
I have to admit that I used to believe in the concept of balance and success, but I don’t think it is true any longer. What I have realized is that being successful in any one area will require that you sacrifice in another area; therefore you are left with the decisions of priority.
Two recent examples:
Who was the greatest athlete from 2000 through 2009? Tiger Woods (here’s a little ESPN article about it.) It’s interesting to hear people respond to a discussion about Tiger today. A few weeks ago when his family life and very public affairs were coming out I heard a lot of individuals say how disappointed they were with his behavior. Their response seemed to be focused on his marital failures. Then yesterday as I was driving to the gym, I heard a local golf show talk about how they wanted him to just start golfing and put the whole mess behind him.
The story is old and overly debated at this point, so this is not an attempt to give my opinion on the subject. I merely want to take a look at the extremes: Most successful athlete of the decade, but highly deficient as a father and husband.
What college football program has been the most successful program over the last 5 years? The Florida Gators. The leader of the program for that duration has been Urban Meyer, an intensely competitive and dedicated coach. So what has been the trade-off? His health. Here’s a link to an SI.com story discussing Meyer’s heart conditions.
What’s my point:
I’m not making judgments about the decisions that Tiger or Meyer have made in the past that lead to this point, I am merely suggesting that they made sacrifices along the way. To be the best athlete in the world, Tiger made a decision to spend energy, time, ego and emotion on golf that he could have used to create a better situation with his wife and children.
To lead the most dominate college football program over the past five years, Meyer made the decision to spend his time, energy and passion on reviewing game film and player development and left his own health to bare the sacrifice.
The point here is that there is sacrifice to be successful. And we all get the opportunity to decide what we will choose and how much success we want to have.
There are very, very few individuals that get to be successful at everything they do and get to be successful in multiple areas at the same time. In fact, right now I can’t think of anyone that fits that description.
There are a lot of people I admire in the endurance sport world. I have clients that amaze me with their ability to get workouts in, have high level jobs and also get to attend family functions. There are those guys and gals out there, but I also know that there are decisions every week that are made regarding priority. They must decide if getting a workout in means more than going to a child’s dance recital, they must make the decision on whether showing up to work fried from a weekend of training is possible.
It’s a constant process of decisions and analysis.
Without balance, know what you value:
If there is not a situation of perfect balance that allows one to be successful in all areas of their life, then I find it absolutely essential that a person be honest with themselves and those around them regarding what they plan to prioritize.
I recently read GaryVee’s book “Crush It” and was intrigued when he discussed his list of priorities. It was a simple list, in a simple order:
- Love your family
- Work super hard
- Live (and work) your Passion
The thing that I love about this list is that it simple and to the point. It doesn’t complicate things by giving if/then scenario’s or by developing matrix boxes to take in various situations. It is a fairly simple statement of priority – now the challenge is to live into it.
If this was someone’s list (other than GaryVee’s) then when faced with decisions about family or work, it becomes obvious that family is first. If there is a question between work and social obligation, work is a priority.
The issue that I see many people have is that they want to have it all. They want to fulfill their different desires, but don’t want to feel guilty about short changing other areas that they feel should be valued.
Where this applies to Triathlon and Running:
As you sit there and think about your upcoming season, I would like to challenge you to honestly answer these questions:
1. What do I value most?
2. How do I prioritize those things that I value?
3. How does my training and endurance goals fit into these lists?
4. If racing is a high priority for my season, do I have a support structure at home and work?
5. Does my support structure understand how much I value racing?
6. How can I communicate my desires with my family, friends and co-workers?
What I tend to see this early in a calendar year from people is a long list of events, with one simple statement: “I want to do these races!”
As a coach it is exciting to see ambition and passion. It is fun to see the excitement of the new year and the enjoyment that someone takes in being active. But I also know that there’s a level of honesty that needs to take place. It has been a big learning process for me over the past 10 years. I remember writing some of the first running programs for people who wanted help. I wanted to be the cheerleader, the encourager, the one that told everyone that anything is possible.
In reality, I still believe that to be the truth. But I’ve also learned that when dealing with age-group athletes, there needs to be an assessment beyond the physical capabilities. The ability to test someone’s vVo2, lactate threshold pace or lactate threshold power is wonderful, but how does that also relate to their ability to be at home by 6pm in order to sit down and eat with the family?
As I have grown in my understanding of these various dynamics, I have also developed the ability to say “No”. It is hard to tell an athlete that is passionate about triathlon that training for an Ironman will take some sacrifice. It is harder to suggest to an athlete that they are would be better served waiting to do a Half Ironman or Ironman at some point in time when they have a more stable support network and training can be a little higher priority.
But it’s essential that we be honest about expectations and priorities. First of all, be honest with yourself. Then be honest with your communication to your support structure: family, training partners, coach, etc.
Make things simple:
The last little piece of the puzzle that I find helpful, is creating simplicity. Once you have realized that to be successful you can’t do “everything” and you have established a complete understanding of your priorities, the next step is to take a bunch of crap out of your life if it doesn’t fit.
Here are two examples that I have from my 2009 season, once I started training specifically for Ironman Louisville:
1. Cut the T.V. It was a big mental leap at first, but after the BCS National Championship game in 2009, I loaded up the digital cable box and turned it in. It was more of a statement of commitment than it was an act of discipline because with Hulu, Netflix and all the other ways to watch television, I knew there would still be plenty of opportunity. But, it did allow us to immediately end late night station browsing.
2. Social parties and gatherings. This one was a request I had to make to Nikki as part of my support structure. The common situation we have at our house is that 98% of the time I would rather come home after work or training and lay down to rest, sleep or watch a movie. Nikki loves to get together with friends for coffee, chatting, dinner out, talking about running, setting up birthday parties, putting together clothing shows, doing a pot-luck – well you get the point. If it was up to her, we would never be home except to sleep.
At the beginning of 2009, I asked her to make a promise to keep me as uncommitted to social outings as she could. If you ask her, I got out of a lot of social commitments for the year. I would agree that I was able to escape more than 50% of the events, but the 40% I made it to was still 25% too much. Just a difference in personality and needs, I guess.
The key to simplifying is just aligning your priorities you’ve established with your task orientation. When you can make that happen, you are getting done the things that will make you successful.
Final Thoughts:
2010 is an interesting year because it allows me to look back over the past decade and ask myself,
“Have I made the choices needed to be successful in the areas of my life that I feel are a priority?”
It seems like it wasn’t very long ago that I sat down on January 1, 1999 and wrote down “run a marathon” as one of my goals. And it doesn’t feel like it was 4.5 years ago that Nikki and I made the commitment to live our lives together.
I anticipate 2010 to be a very positive year. I also know that there’s work to be done on my part (and on Nikki’s) to understand more completely what we value and how we prioritize, what sacrifices we intend to make and how to simplify in order to clear the non-essential.
If you want to follow along our Journey of Endurance this year, we welcome you. I plan on writing more on the subject and how we’re making it happen.
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