[note] I wrote this post on January 29, 2010. (Published today 3/3/10) After a couple readings decided to not publish it because I wasn’t sure where it fit as it was mostly a reflection on my Ironman experiences from 2006 to 2009, the value they added to my life and just thoughts going through my head at the time. After the Mardi Gras Rock N Roll Marathon this past weekend, it was refreshing to go back and read these words. I thought I’d share prior to posting my race report. [end note]
It has been some time since I have written blog posts that deal with topics outside of strength training, triathlon training and marathon running. But after my last blog post titled, “Balance, Simplicity and Priority: Life Lessons from Tiger and Urban” I can see that maybe some of these thoughts are worth sharing. It seems that I started a firestorm of self analysis within some people based upon the feedback I’ve received through email, facebook and twitter.
That is a good thing in my opinon.
I often look around at those I’m familiar with, along with taking a step back to review my own decision making process and notice there is little self analysis done when making decisions. What I see happening is an analysis of what others may think about the result of those decisions. This results in a lot of decisions being made based upon what we perceive others think, rather than filtering it through our own value system or philosophy of living.
When this system of decision making breaks down is when your philosophy of living is different than the decisions made based on outside influences. In psychological terms, you begin to create a lot of cognitive dissonance. What you believe your core identity to be, lies in contrast to the decisions you are making and the reality you are creating for yourself by those decisions.
This is why I believe it is essential that individuals spend the time to understand themselves and have a solid grasp of what they consider their philosophy of living. This is not some crazy idea. And it is not even close to being a new way of looking at the decision making process. It was probably in 1998 or 1999 that my step-father gave me a “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” book written by Stephen Covey. Then he gave me the Franklin Covey planners and all the items to help me better live with purpose. The planner was always a decent tool, but the process of sitting down and creating a mission statement upon which I’d live was interesting.
I don’t think there is any coincidence in the fact that in 1999, I sat down and wrote down that I would run a 10k, a marathon and qualify for the Boston Marathon. At that point, I had only run a 5k which, was a race I had done as a 8 or 9 year old as a way to be like my cousins Mark and Andy, and a little bit of cross country in high school to be fit enough for basketball season. I really had no idea what it would take to run a marathon, nor did I understand what it would take to qualify for Boston.
Running was only part of the plan I created that day. I spent a lot of time thinking about what where the other steps I wanted to take in order to create a life of meaning. Faith, Family, Friends, Education, Profession, Financial and Athletic. Those are areas of my life that I still put most of my planning efforts.
You know what has happened over the last decade? Most of the items on that list have happened. Of course some of the items on the list have been altered or removed because they just didn’t seem to fit as time went along. For example, I thought one thing that I wanted to accomplish was to generate a net worth of one million dollars by the time I was 35 years old, until one roommate who saw my list asked – why and what for? I didn’t have an answer, especially not an answer that made me feel good about dedicating so much time and energy towards that outcome. I wish that when I was asked that question I would have generated a response like:
“I could help feed 100′s of children” or “I would be able to provide an education for students who wouldn’t have an opportunity” — something that would have fit within what I perceived to be my underlying life philosophy. But in reality the only answer I could come up with is that by accumulating a larger net worth I would appear more successful, feel bigger and have the admiration of those who hadn’t done that.
Another major goal of mine has always centered around education. It is also a goal that I’ve struggled with in terms of how it relates to my “legacy”. It wasn’t too long after I decided to pursue a graduate education that I started to question my motives and how it all fit together with my way of living. I remember questioning the idea enough to ask my pastor for some guidance. I feel fortunate to have had someone that was down-to-earth, open and honest enough to give me courage in those decisions. But after spending a period of time getting my masters, I realized that my ultimate goal (getting my Ph.D) was likely only going to serve my ego and not propel me to serve others as I had thought it might. It is funny how these things come around from time to time, just this year I found myself spending tons of time thinking about doing a docorate in biomechanics. There are times were I see that it fits into larger things I want to see happen and times when I don’t see it doing anything other than building my (already big enough) ego.
Where does Triathlon and Running fit into this way of living?
When I sat down and wrote out my goals just over a decade ago, the “purpose” that I came up with for wanting to qualify for the Boston Marathon was :
to inspire others to live in a way that enables them to feel healthier, achieve a greater sense of wellness and understand better self satisfaction
That’s not an exact quote, but it’s pretty close. The idea was that if I could somehow get my crap together enough to run a marathon, then there would be a pretty amazing story or template to share with others. What I found out was that I really needed a way to help inspire myself too, and running had always been an answer and escape in the past.
The great thing that I’ve found by spending the 11 years of my life dedicated to endurance sports is that I’ve felt like I have been able to inspire others. Whether through my emails that I began sending to friends in the beginning, to my early website and now through our coaching.
What do you want to Stand For?
I was recently introduced (through an email exchange) to a guy by the name Filip Matous. It was for something very unrelated to this topic, but I then saw a site he runs called Standstrong.tv – The concept of the site is to ask one simple question to guests and video their answer:
“When it’s all said and done, what is the main thing you want your life to be remembered for?”
It’s a very easy way to get at someone’s personal philosophy. Their answer to that question will mold their decision making process, because if you are not seeking out to live into that answer daily, then it surely isn’t going to be what you are remembered for once you are no longer around to add your input to the discussion.
I find it very interesting to see some of the answers he has received as he asks guys like Stephen Covery and Gary Vaynerchuk that very question.
This is where I get back to my own answer, my own decision making process and my own reason for running and doing triathlon. I hope that when it’s all said and done for me, they don’t say : He was a good runner, He was a fine triathlete or He had an amazing level of endurance and fitness. Please, don’t let it be all about that.
Hopefully there will be things said like: “He instilled so much hope in myself” and “He always cared so much and had always had faith in what I could achieve” or “He loved me so damn much it was annoying”
“Faith” – “Hope” – “Love” … I pray daily that those are things that I stand for.
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Gary, this is some honest work! Great point on cognitive dissonance and having the vision to stick to your inner philosophy no matter what your outside influences say. I applaud your motivation to serve others – that puts you ahead of the game.
Really, I think that one of the turning points (paradigm shifts as Covey would say) is when I realized I came into this world with nothing and will leave the same way. That leaves me a short amount of time to decide out how to give it away.